Junky4words' Blog

SIN

2010-07-20T09:47:00.002+03:00

Oh dear lord I'm saturated

with all those sins you know I've done

all those sins have confiscated

my self respect one by one

I've given up to Satan's will

I've earned my way through to hell

earned my way to being ill

bid my morals for them to sell

Oh dear lord how much i suffer

and toss and turn through endless nights

toss and turn for nightmares batter

my tethered conscience, forsaken plight

Black ink blotches on a wrinkled white sheet

my stains of shame, identity scars

stains of shame that reek of deceit

as strong as stale urine in a pissoir

Various sins, minor and grand

several acts of mere imprudence

it's the truth, this is where I stand

ungoverned by jurisprudence

Oh dear lord I fear the day

when you and I stand face to face

when you get to hear my body complain

about all the times I fell from grace

Inflicted pain upon myself

yes I am condemned to that

but that's because I hate myself

for doing shameful things like that

Under the shower I close my eyes

imagining my sins slip down the drain

hoping that I could someday rise

and from sinful acts I would abstain

Sickening

2010-04-08T01:59:00.006+03:00

It burns, it kept proving to me that it burns, it kept reminding me that it burns, as I evolve into an agitated monster, not in any state of mind to rationalize or even to allow realization of what is right or what is wrong to occur to me. It burns, and its flames nourish upon the oxygen I breathe. I am held captive, and I struggle to break loose. Being burned alive, I scream in anguish because of corrosive pain that erodes through my soul, enclosed within a suit of flesh, an encasing, so still and lifeless. It burns beyond the rate of control, it burns beyond into an incineration of destructive desire. A massacre of generations of innocence and the amendment of a new era of vengeance. A narrowed perspective, a state of fury, and a feeling of complete chaos inhabit the orderly creation of my human body. Pandemonium within discipline foreshadowing the silence before a storm. A demand for respect, a demand to abolish injustice, a demand for correction, it burns to establish. A demolition of corruption, an extermination of envy, and a call from within, upon hate to what prevails, roars for the world to hear.

It's the rage within me that burns, spitting flicks of despair at a world of imperfection!

You Were There Just Yesterday

2010-03-18T20:42:00.004+03:00

I can't believe you're simply gone

You were there just yesterday

We made it through till the rise of dawn

But the life in you had to part its way

Beside your bed, I sat all night

And tamed myself from wanting to scream

Holding on to you so tight

Hoping for this to be only a dream

All I could do was stare at you

Craving for a comeback I knew was impossible

It was all so true, this goodbye to you

This painful fact that's hardly plausible

Your breaths got shallower and farther apart

with every minute that ticked away

pleading with heart, I believed I could thwart

the cruel reality that was heading my way

An explosion of tears drenched my face

As memories of you came out of the blue

Pangs of pain caused my heart to race

For I hated existence in a future without you

When it was time, your soul lingered

As if savoring the last minute

And I looked at you, like a child, bewildered

By the peaceful ascending of your graceful spirit

I already missed you a great crushing deal

Reluctantly realizing it'll always be this way

You're leaving me alone to a great ordeal

For without you my beloved I'm only astray.

Anonymous

2009-07-01T04:15:00.006+03:00

From a distance, I stood there studying your every move

Meticulously noticing every single detail

From the finest patterns drawn by your delicate hand gestures

And the posture you sustain ever so gracefully

To the shimmering sparkle in your kind eyes

And the swift shift of your head backwards as you laughed

I was careful to catch it all and not miss any of it

Everything you did came at me like a needle to the veins

As I watched you, time seemed to slow down ridiculously

Everything I saw you do infused steadily into my soul

Acting like morphine, it drained me of my pain

And it drowned me with an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction

I wished that I could stay there forever just staring at you

Instead, I smiled myself back into reality

And I opened my eyes to another new day

Realising that you'll never know that...............

You've always been part of my dreams

And I've always been anonymous to you.

Confused

2009-04-26T22:17:00.005+03:00

You ask me what you mean to me

You ask me what in you I see

You can't believe my love to you

Just can't believe that we are true

Your heart is sad so filled with pain

Your past, let it go down with the rain

Don't cry don't fear, for you I'm here

For you my sweet are very dear

You're so confused trying to figure out

What this thing called love is all about

But you can't see that you're in me

With everyday I live to be

Trying to be so perfect to pay me back

But baby boo you're losing track

Between us both walls don't exist

My all, to me you are just the best

The only, the one, the beautiful love

The sweetest angel sent from up above

My shining star, we've reached this far

Only because this is true, I am me and you are you

We're two crazy heads so filled with life, so filled with love, so frightened too

But fear is weak when your hands hold mine

And the darkness of the night would start to shine

Showing us the difficulties that lie ahead

Forcing us to go back, break, and never mend

It's difficult and endless filled with sacrifices

This road I chose to walk with you

We'll lead the way till the sun rises

And warms the cold of bad times we've been through

This way with you is my chosen destiney

It's what I want, it's what was meant for me

Because I believe that we were meant to be, I believe you're my only sanctuary

Walk with me this road forever, don't leave me to be lost again

Love me now or love me never, to me that matters really none

Because with you my life begun, yeah that's you, you're the one

Look at me, look what you've done

You warmed my heart with rays of sun

You taught me things I've never known

You gave me love when no one cared

It's you I want, its you alone

So stay with me and don't be scared

Don't kill the moments that we've shared

Don't run away and don't just hide

Hold me tight stay by my side

Yeah baby boo I love you so

I love you more than you'll ever know

I want you too forever more

Without your love my heart is sore

I beg you stay you're what I've got

I beg you stay, I love you alot.

One look, Endless Wonder.

2009-04-02T20:48:00.007+03:00

My heart pounds so hard in my chest it feels like it's forcing itslef through my ribs and out of my body. My shirt shakes insanely and every pulse becomes visible to you. Breathing becomes so difficult as I try to keep up with the rhythm of my heart. Whispers of breath become louder and louder as I find myself lost in the beauty of your eyes. One look at you paralyzes my brain and a pang caused by electricity shocks my whole body only to bring me back to that electrifying experience. Time stops and I live forever in the moment where you look at me. Everything freezes in its place and it seems like you're the only thing that exists. The intensity of the situation urges me into a state of infancy, where I find myself an innocent child looking at you as if looking at a bright light for the first time, and the waiting for an explanation to the beautiful feeling that exhilarates my body is portrayed as an echoing effervescent giggle. Despite all the strength and might in me, when it comes to you looking at me like that, I'm as vulnerable as an embryo. It's amazing how something as simple as a look could steal the sanity of a person. Yet, it is much more amazing how the absence of this simplicity can still steal the sanity of a person. When you turn around and our eyes no longer meet, for a second it seems like you save me from the curse your look casts upon me. It seems like you save me from drowning in the complexity of my emotions and from swimming endlessly in the vast sea of meanings your alluring look conveys. Though, the cruel truth unwinds without rhyme or reason to reveal itself and I find myself lost without the painfull yet enticing feelings, thirsty for one more look, hungry for one more rush of adrenaline, and begging like a slave to be enslaved by the look in your eyes.

The Perfect Relationship

2009-02-16T21:26:00.007+03:00

Pain is a gift when your love becomes my pain. Tears are words when i cry to beg you not to leave. Darkness is comfort when I close my eyes only to see your face glow in the darkness of my dreams. Losing sleep becomes a blessing when I can't sleep at night because i can't stop thinking of you. I forget to breathe because you are my air. I forget all about torture because when you are with me, I can't feel the pain or cry the tears, or sleep the nights. When you're with me, all I can feel, cry, breathe, or even hear, is the warmth of your love. No matter how hard it gets, when you are with me only the perfect relationship exists. Seconds that pass by never return, and i fear waking up someday in the grave to find out that I have missed out on my entire life. Thinking of you steals the years that are left for me to live, but that does not matter because i realise that life is not worth living if you are not the reason i live for. I smile when my heart tells me that it makes no difference if either a year or only a minute is left in my life, because having your love is enough to determine that i have already lived enough. No matter how hard it gets, when you are with me only the perfect relationship exists. You conquer my heart, mind, and soul, but all I do is surrender to you, raising a white flag like a defeated soldier. Before you came along, I used to fight love with guns of strength, courage, and hope. Now, when you throw a loving look at me, my guns melt and i lie defenseless before your love. You break the strength in me when i miss you so much, and i know that i am weak because I need you. You steal the courage in me when I want to tell you that I love you, and I know that I'm a coward because I can't. You wash away the hope in me when I wonder how you feel about me, and I know that I am in despair because I want you badly. No matter how hard it gets, when you are with me only the perfect relationship exists.

Giving You

2009-02-16T20:35:00.008+03:00

I would kill my soul for you to live

I would drain my heart to pump joy into yours

I would bleed to death to quench your thirst

I would hold my breath to blow the life into you

I would give away my days to add them onto yours

I would give you my eyes to see

I would bestow the cosmos to you if you'd please

But will you live your life for me?

Will you kiss my frozen lips when i die?

Will you search for my soul in your memories when i go?

Will your tears warm my heart as i wait for you in heaven?

Will you hug me tight when my corpse lies still and helpless?

Assure my lost eyes that you would for me cry blood into tears

Tell my weak heart that for me you would donate existence

Tell my breathless soul that for me you would swear a vow of everlasting love

Tell my shivering body that for me you would search the poles for warmth that'll bless my soul

Tell me that you would oh please sure do

Give me back the life I've given you.